18. GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Today I am going to cover a movie that to me is very very strange, it is a movie that in all honesty is awful and is the sort of movie I really can't stand but I watch it again and again for some reason it interests me and I think that it would be interesting to take a proper look at and see what I can find out. Be prepare because this movie is such a love it/hate it film I just might offend someone.

Based in the near future the movie is almost a prequel to the cartoon series in that we find out how Duke and Ripcord join GI Joe and how Cobra (the enemies of the Joes) are created revealing the back stories behind the characters.

We start as weapons expert James McCullen (Christopher Ecclestone) shows off his latest creation, the nanomites, that have been developed to use as weapons that can destroy cities. He sells four of them to NATO in which Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) collect them to deliver them to their headquarters, while on transport they are attacked by a futuristic chopper piloted by The Baroness (Sienna Miller), who is Dukes ex Ana, and a group of Cobra warriors. During the ensuing battle another group come to Dukes rescue and fight off the enemies, the team of rescuers turns out to be an elite group of the army named GI Joe, Scarlett (Rachel Nichols), Snake Eyes (Ray Park), Breaker (Said Taghmaoui) and Heavy Duty (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje). They take the warheads to The Pit, where they meet General Hawk (Dennis Quaid), where the Joes take command of the warheads and let Duke and Ripcord train to be a Joe. McCullen is then shown to be behind the attempted warhead theft and plans another attempt to capture them, sending Storm Shadow, The Baroness and Vartann after an intense fight they manage to escape with the warheads and take them to The Baroness' husband to activate them. They then attack Paris and destroy the Eiffel Tower before capturing Duke and he taken to the Cobra arctic base, he the discovers that McCullen was is the enemy. Duke is then introduced to the Doctor who he realises is Rex who is the Baroness' supposedly dead brother, they try and inject him with nanomites but Ana stops him breaking through her own nanomite programming. McCullen and Rex then attempt to kill Duke but he gets burnt by the flames and Rex and McCullen escape with Duke and Ana in pursuit. Meanwhile the Joes attack the base and attempt to stop the missiles that threaten to destroy Washington DC, Moscow and Beijing, they blow up the Beijing missile and Ripcord flies off after they other two, which he eventually stops. Storm Shadow is killed by Snake Eyes and they have to escape as the base self destructs. As this happens Rex injects McCullen with Nanomites healing his burns but forming a metal skin over his head naming him Destro, while Rex replaces his mask with the iconic Cobra Commander helmet. They try to escape but are stopped by Duke and Ana and are imprisoned.

Storyline: This movie starts off with one storyline following Duke and Ripcord but towards the end of the movie the storyline splits and then it goes mad and there are about five new plots that start in the last 20 minutes and it is so insane that you can't follow it and even writing this review I had to look at it three times to make sure I hadn't left anything out...it's crazy.

Cast: Almost all of this cast I had not heard of and it almost made it feel that someone had dressed up as the characters but you can still tell it's not them and it kind of feels sluggish and almost rough in places. Dennis Quaid who's performances are usually the same in every movie doesn't fail, I have seen at least four of his movies and he plays the same character each time.

Genre: Action/Comic like with any movie like this the story already exists and it is just a reworking of a previous idea and therefore I really want to know just how it misses the point so badly.

Overall: I know you are all going to hate me for this but this movie sucks, it is awful and I really really want to watch it again I hate it so much that it is worth the watch and I enjoy it just to relive some of the GI Joe that I know, even though it takes the original idea mixes it with everything that is bad about Hollywood action films and the shreds it and calls it a movie. Watch it but don't expect to enjoy it too much there are a lot of plot holes and too many plots to follow...and they say there will be a sequel as well woop-de-doo.